Things I Learned In June 2016

"I have looked upon all the Universe has to hold of horror, and even the skies of spring and the flowers of summer must ever afterward be poison to me."

H.P. Lovecraft

'The Call of Cthulhu'

July comes in wet, hot, tropical rainstorms. Grey afternoon skies. Whiskey and spices. Banana leaves and old book smells. Deep polished mahogany and crystals. This mermaid life, this jungle life. Vanilla, tobacco and sweet musk. Sandalwood and rum. Moody skies and electric air. Gold glitter on my skin. Perfume and sweat.

• Learning to play D&D would be so much easier/more rewarding without all of the triggers and distractions. The food situation, my tiredness, and the music in particular.

• I'm still very new to the concept of friends. Up until March 2016, I have only ever had one trusted person in my life at a time. And now there are three that I love and trust completely. And many more casual friendships. And sometimes it is overwhelming, but mostly it is awesome. On the negative side, it's the first time I have spent a lot of time with people who are not sensitive to my autism issues.

• Earwigs eat baby sunflowers, and that is just shitty!

• I love Niko with all my heart. I love him more than ever.

• The world has a very, very long way to go in regards to the safety and acceptance of LGBT peoples. The June 12th Orlando shooting breaks my heart.

• Eating before drinking all the drinks is very important.

• I need to eat regularly to avoid anxiety blips (head-weasels!)

• Ladder matches are terrifying. Ladder matches are awesome!

• Little treats are important! Like Agent Cooper says... 'Give yourself a present everyday'. Bubblebath, stickers, a damn fine cup of coffee.

• I have enough fabric! Finish all the things! No new shit!

• Vivbot is my cat and she makes me very very happy!

• Niko likes berry-studded loaf cake. Eddie likes black cherry cheesecake.

• I have a home here in Kensington. I am loved and supported and truly safe. Part of a family.

• While I did enjoy the experiment of growing out my leg hairs, it did not significantly improve my skin-picking. I do feel a lot more free from patriarchal suppression however.  Iä! Shub-Niggurath!

• Short, regular, gentle yoga sessions help me feel a bit better physically. Relaxed rather than chronically exhausted.

• I am so grateful for Niko's family's love for and acceptance of me.

• I have come to accept that I have complex PTSD. I am gradually coming to terms with the extent of my trauma symptoms and triggers and will continue to fight as hard as I can to stay safe. I am open to the possibility of trauma-specific therapy when I feel ready.