Thursday, 21 January 2016

"The wind She whispers through the graveyard of our hearts....

Wreath in dreams as She weaves Her witchcraft
We breath enamored of the conquering Dark..."

The cemetery smelled of incense tonight. It prompted memories of an Arthur Machen story. Something about a certain special street in London. A magic evening that may or may not have happened. Violet skied and heady with perfume.

There is a lot to be said for Atheist funerals, but it was sadly lacking in the incense department. Little tendrils of smokey embellishment that make it more than ordinary.

I am fully aware that you hated incense. And smoke of all kinds. I still won't burn it in the house out of respect for your wishes. I do have candles though.

So much has been unsaid here. But I never ever stop writing. It feels like time to blog again though, and I remember how much you liked reading my last monthly round-up. So I present a (rather belated) summary of things I learned in December 2015.

  • I am happy right now, and that is everything.
  • There are only four suitable Steven jam options... Strawberry, raspberry, blackcurrant and blackberry.
  • Never underestimate Steven's ability to sulk! Never forget pizza-gate!
  • I am capable of not drinking, even when other people are drinking.
  • I need to eat more. My body has started digesting itself during my epic walks, and this scares me.
  • Stop walking into cupboard doors I leave open! Owie!
  • Relationship stuff is so much better now that I have learned to give Steven the lead in relation to intimacy. Your attentions are so much better now that I know you give them freely.
  • Lie-ins have limits! If Steven not awake by 2pm, poke him!
  • Everything (even the 24 hour Asda) closes at 4pm on Sundays.
  • Blow-jobs are always a viable present option.
  • Zero food and all the alcohol makes for very crazy Bear!
  • My big crazy Bear totally loves me. And he shows me in so many ways.
  • Learning to be more independant! Loving solo walks and going to bed early when Steven wants to stay up later.
  • I like wispa hot chocolate mix. I do not like aero hot chocolate mix.
  • Never underestimate the destructive power of BPD.
  • The end of Steven's part of our story was more horrible and destructive than I could ever have imagined.

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