Monday, 8 February 2016

Rose Quartz and Serenity

The skies of late January. Quiet and full of magic. The day I took this photo I had been haunted by my lover's shadow. Some days it's like that. I see him everywhere. All of the places were we once stood together, charged with ghosts of past conversations.

The 99p store in Saint Johns is particularly brutal :( I'm not sure I can even go in there right now. In some ways the lingering shadows are a comfort, but then the unfairness of it all hits me again and I cry. I am drowning in more sadness than I ever imagined. But then I remember that I am a mermaid. Always remember what thou art.

Back in November Steven took me to The Ship and Mitre pub to exorcise my ghost from a particular table I had been known to haunt. It fixed the place for him at last. I understood.

Films about ghosts. Memories are a strange and powerful force.

I have been writing again. My superpower. Sometimes blogging feels redundant. At this point the witch hunt mentality against me is so strong that I do not feel free to express myself properly in public, so the paper journals win out. But I refuse to be silenced completely. I still need to share.

I know my situation isn't unique, shitty as it is. My heart goes out to anyone else who has lost a loved one only to be hit by a tsunami of adversity. To expect comfort and shared compassion but receive nothing but cruelty. If nothing else, it is a catalyst for brilliant strength and endurance. A burning nest for a phoenix rebirth.

I stitch. I play guitar. I sing our songs.

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